Typically I was the type of person who naturally put everyone else needs above my own.
I try to be fair to everyone around me. I make the sacrifices. I am the first to bend during or after an argument. I end up being the most understanding and yet rarely understood.
I am the over-giver and limited receiver.
“Please don’t leave me.”
There is this underlining need to overcompensate when you are afraid that if you don’t satisfy or stimulate this person then they will leave. If you have a parent who wasn’t around or experienced a lot of rejection in your life time you might understand where I am coming from.
I was use to overcompensating and experiencing disappointment when I wasn’t getting enough in return. I felt unworthy. However, I was basing my worth on someone else’s ability to see my worth. How ridiculous is that?
Why get hung up on a handful of people who left versus the bunch who every day chose to stay? Don’t beat yourself up if you’re becoming aware of this mindset you have while you read this. I didn’t become aware of this bad habit and toxic mindset for years. It is never too late to learn yourself!
The co-dependent downfall
You know you’re are co-dependent when you are there to fix everyone around you. You want to absorb yourself into their problems and fix it for them. I thought was really helping people when I did that. And most of the time I was. However, I was taking away from myself. I became people’s crutch and I forgot about me in the process of helping others.
There has to be a balance. Can’t always be the one “on” all the time. There has to be a balance within yourself and your relationships. Don’t do everything for everyone and fix everything for everyone. You have to learn to trust and let go and allow those around you to help themselves and you sometimes. Co-dependency is unhealthy and leads to high amount of anxiety.
When you are constantly giving and giving and giving and rarely getting back you are giving away your energy, your time, your money, and your emotions to someone without any consideration for yourself. You start to become exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My best advice is to…
- Give in moderation.
- It’s okay to say NO sometimes.
- Take care of yourself and your needs first. No one will understand you like you. You have to be balanced and happy before you can make anyone else happy.
- Be okay with being alone. If that person walks away from you because you stop loving them or stimulating them than that is their loss.
- Know that you are worthy of love and being loved because you ARE LOVE. You don’t need NO ONE to confirm or validate anything for you. Once you accept this than you will start to be okay with letting go and doing what is best for you.
- Look at yourself as a new born baby. Don’t judge yourself. Be patient with yourself. Care for yourself.
P.S. This will be my constant reminder every time I drift back into my old patterns. Share with me below in the comments some of your patterns.
- My name is Siedah (Si-ee-dah), writer and life coach author at www.iamlovexo.com
- I’ve suffered from depression on and off for 15 years of my life and I no longer deal with it.
- I’ve battled with social anxiety almost all my life and I no longer have it.
- I met with two therapists within a year span but it only scratched the surface
- I healed myself within a three-year span and completely changed my life