Finding Happiness After Depression

Finding Happiness After Depression

My motto in life was “I just want to be happy”. As if happiness was something that I had to find in order to obtain. Versus something that I can just BE.

Do you actually know what it feels like to be depressed?

At a time when I wanted to disappear and stop all the negativity. A time when I was in such a deep depression that I wanted to end my life. I was at my lowest of lows.

I spent weeks spent in the house alone cutting myself off from everyone. I drowned myself in work, working 80 hour weeks. I didn’t go out because I felt lonely even in public places. I didn’t feel like I belonged. I spent several nights sneaking out of our bed to go into another room to cry during the late night.

One day it hit me that this wasn’t normal what I was feeling and I got sick and tired of feeling those feelings. It was that inner will-power came over me and pushed me to change.

It was in that moment when I decided it was time for me to go seek professional help. I searched through my healthcare portal for a local therapist who I can speak out to and get advice on how I can change my life for the better.

It was time to get out of that lonely dark room of despair and save myself. 

I have experienced anxiety, depression, and lack of acceptance when I was on my path to find myself. I kept my depression a secret from people. I can remember at a young age, I was in my downstairs in my families powder room one day after school crawled up in the corner bawling my eyes out thinking about what my family would think if they found me laid out on this bathroom floor dead with a bottle of pills lying next to my body.

How would they feel? Asking myself that question kept me alive. That shit was real for me. I couldn’t think of putting my mother through something like that because I felt I couldn’t handle the situations that occurred in my life at the time.
Now fast forward, I graduate high school and later two years of college and now I am in the first real job at a non-profit organization that fights for education rights, the community issues, healthcare, and more. A job where there were plenty of ambitious, intelligent, and liberating people who had something to say and stand for. I didn’t necessarily use my voice when I felt strongly about a particular issue.

I often placed myself in the background and hid from the spotlight.

I did not take a stand or get paid what I am worth. I accepted bullshit in order to not rock the boat. I didn’t hide just in the workplace, but also in my relationships and marriage. I had a thing with going along with the original plan, not using my voice.

Therapy and looking within myself led me down a path of self-transformation. Where I took the time to no longer look outward for the answers but to embark on a spiritual journey that led mine to myself.

Look within yourself for the answers because you, your thoughts, and feelings is what you manifests and attracts everything in your life.

It is you who determines how your life will be. You create it. So learn from me and use your voice to become a better version of yourself. It is the law of attraction love.

Do you want to experience love, happiness, and hope?

The Chopra Center, 21-Day Meditation Experience

The heart chakra is like the crossroad of choice.

    • Spirituality –
        • heal self
        • forgive self
        • free self
        • heal the wounded child within.
        • lead with spirituality and let the intellect to follow.
        • alchemy and spirituality
      • Release the survival


    • Humanity –
        • the three lower Chakras to know the humanity
        • Being contained in survival
      • Positive side of helping others 10% tide


    • Ego –
        • Ego is always in survival mode.
      • Fear throws off the balance of true self.


    • Love –
        • compassion for self.
        • compassion for others.
        • Intuition
        • Is love coming from the ego or heart?
        • Unconditional love with self and others.
      • When someone stops stimulating you, do you stop loving them?


  • Chakra Balance –
      • Educating self on your system
    • Understand and know where they belong



Lessons Learned:

  • Open yourself up to love. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Be yourself ALWAYS. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Speak your truth even when your voice shakes. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Let go of your pride and ego. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Obtaining harmony and peace within your circle doesn’t mean you have to suppress who you are. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Don’t allow fear to rule your life. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Know that you have the power and you make your reality. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Know that you have the answers inside you. Just listen. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Be. Still. when it is necessary to be. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is courage. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Trust yourself. -siedahspeaksxo
  • Make the choice right now to be happy. -siedahspeaksxo


Answer this question below in the comment section. What makes you happy?

Hello love! I am a blogger and writer here to help you to kick those bad feelings in the ass and assist you with your personal growth. I am here to share my lessons I’ve learned with you so you can love and learn yourself even more than you did yesterday.

0 thoughts on “Finding Happiness After Depression”

  • Thank you for sharing this with me Joleisa. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a very hard thing for me and people like me go through. What you are doing now which is getting an understanding is extremely helpful and supportive. I am happy I am able to help you understand our mindset more. It is such a battle.

    Thank you! xo

  • Having lost my son to suicide, it's now that I am reading a lot about what people who suffer from anxiety and depression go through. Thanks for sharing so honestly. I pray that many will be helped through your blog. Good luck

  • Darrian people don't understand that going outside is one of the hardest things to do when you are depressed. We can't be in dark rooms if not, before you know it, we'd be in there all day. Thank you for sharing your feelings and I so glad you felt comfortable sharing that with me. 🙂 Anytime you need to vent I am here for you. I understand all too well. xo

  • What a great post! I too suffer from anxiety and depression and people often look at me funny anytime I say I need to be in a room with lots of light, complain about my apartments lack of lighting, or needing an office with a window. It's because those things remind me that I can get out of that depressive mindset, even if it's the hardest thing I'll ever do (until the next wave hits). Thank you for sharing!

    Darrian |

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