The spirit of a child is amazing to me as I sit and observe my nephew at the age of 2 years old. He was born with this personality, a non-filter persona, and energy that enhances day by day because of his environment.
I observe his humor, his honesty, his fairness, his warrior spirit, his absence for hesitation in his behavior. I am captive by his behavior. I also want to tap into that self I arrived in this world as. Where I am not influenced by others opinions, feelings, and thoughts.
Where I show up, whether that is yin or yang energy presented. It’s an authentic energy that was necessary for me to present at that time. People refer to this as tapping into your inner child.
As I embark on my self-discovery journey I become conscious of my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviors and those who are around me. I am someone who naturally wants to dig deeper in the person and tap into their psyche to figure out how they tick, but I don’t naturally sit and look at myself.
When I started to become more conscious of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and those who are very close to me I can start to see where I went wrong on my path. Where I altered many aspects of my personality when I was younger, it was to fit in this imaginary box of acceptance.
I remember one day I was in the car with my mother. I was driving and my mother was in the passenger side next time me. As I turned the corner she flinched, she told me I was too close to the car on my side, and her heart started to race. I told her to calm down and explained to her I can see what she can’t see and to trust me.
Now, what was interesting to me is step-by-step how she reacted in that moment and the exact words she said. It made me reminisce of the many times I was back in Rochester, NY and I was on the passenger side as my ex-husband drove.
At that moment, I started to pay close attention to my mother’s behaviors. I realized then that I have adapted my mother’s personality in many ways.
It is something that I’ve realized I’ve struggled with within my life. I easily embodied parts of others personalities without knowing it. This was a lack of self. An interesting trait people with Libra in their chart can commonly experience. Hence, why I am 27 years old and I am on a journey of self-discovery.
I realized by not only watching my mother, but I also did what was fair to keep the peace, harmony, and to gain acceptance. One thing I did that was not fair was I would suppress my true self in order to be fair to someone else. What an oxymoron.
Who’s to say I HAVE to think, move, believe the things I was taught as a child anymore? Does that benefit me now? Who do I want to be? How do I want to be? What do I want to be? What are my values? Beliefs?
I am all.
Now how about you?