It is so easy to blame everyone for your life going downhill. I definitely blamed folks for my life going down the drain and for me going into a depression. Honestly, I am the reason why I go in and out of a depression and I am the reason why my life is going down the drain. It is because I allowed certain people who don’t deserve my time or energy or love to be around me. I allowed people to step over my boundaries over and over again to the point of no remorse. I allowed the lies to pile up.
When you continue to let the fuckery in your life it will take over you and your life. That is a harsh reality to swallow. It is hard to accept that you are the reason for your temporary downfall. I say temporary because if it happen in the past then it’s over and there is no changing anything. If it is currently happening in the present then you can make a change so that you can prevent it from happening in the future. Feeling shame for putting up with all the crap you put up with is totally understandable. I feel that now as I am writing this. My present life is crappy and it is because I put up with shit that isn’t natural for the sake of love. Which sounds foolish is reality because love isn’t harmful.
My quest in life is to remain at peace with myself. I have to promise myself things now because I had imaginary boundaries with those I love. I find it easy to deal with people whom I have no feelings for. I can deal with them logically. You do this; I do that. You say this; I say that. Totally left brain robotic shit. I don’t let many people get close to me. Even though there might be people who thought we were close friends or friends at all, I most likely didn’t consider them a friend. And that is totally because of my upbringing and the relationships I formed as a young child.
What I’ve learned the past three to five years is that especially those people who you have feelings for you should create boundaries with. They are the ones who are more than likely to try to overstep your boundaries. Sometimes it because you let them get close to you that they feel they’re entitled to maybe more access to you or more access to your belongings or they can get away with bad behavior because you placed them on this pedestal. Our children do it, our parents, our siblings, our spouses, and even our friends do it.
So what are your boundaries?
What is that line that no one can cross? When is too much enough? It is best to develop these boundaries early in the relationship, but it is never too late to change up on someone. I allowed my child’s father to get away with a lot. Although I felt I was teaching him lessons and gave him tough love. He didn’t really learn and I allowed him to overstep my boundaries many many times. I felt shame at first. I was disappointed in myself that I allowed him to do that for the sake of “love”. So I thought; really it was for the sake of this image of my head of a family.
So you see, it is never too late to set boundaries with ANYONE. It doesn’t matter that title or label they have in your life. You deserve to be treated with respected versus liked. Being liked and accepted will only get you so far. However, being respected will get you very far. You can’t control what people say or how they act, but you can control your reactions towards them. Setting boundaries are extremely healthy and it shouldn’t be looked at as a defense mechanism.
Share with me your thoughts below.