What To Do Instead Of Avoiding Confrontation?
Are you the type of person who often says yes to your family and friends to avoid confrontation or that uneasy feeling?
I absolutely hate when I get into confrontation. I try to handle disagreements diplomatically.
However, I’ve noticed that when I set boundaries the other person pushes back or throws an “adult tantrum” and makes things more difficult.
No one likes the word “No” told to them, rejection, or disappointment.
I am here to reassure you that healthy conflict is not a bad thing and it is nothing to be afraid of.
One day during a work conference we were discussing healthy conflict.
It takes two mature adults to encounter in healthy conflict.
If one adult is less mature than you, you are more than likely to encounter in a screaming match.
If that starts to occur then I recommend that you walk away until you both calm down.
When emotions are involved we tend to become angry and say things we don’t mean.
That doesn’t usually get anything resolved and I always feel bad after.
My best advice is to…
- Be firm in your conventions. Once you tell someone something, don’t bend if even if they beg or through a tantrum.
- Learn to say NO more often. “No, I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
- Avoid screaming matches by walking away until everyone is calm and ready to discuss things in a more mature manner.
- Ask questions rather than make assumptions.
- Listen more than you speak. Sometimes you might only see your perspective in a situation. It’s nice to get more understanding and background on a situation before your mind is totally made up.
- Set boundaries. You don’t have to tell someone all your rules right away. When something occurs just let them know how you feel. By starting the sentence off with “I feel like this when you said/did this….” or “I don’t feel comfortable with this please stop.”
P.S. This will be my constant reminder every time I drift back into my old patterns. Share with me below in the comments some of your patterns.