Do you feel like you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough?
It is a horrible and depressing feeling when you don’t see or feel good about being yourself.
Everyone around you can tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you are, and that you’re enough, but if you don’t BELIEVE it then you will always feel like you lack.
Everything I speak of is because I have felt it and went through it.
Three years ago, I fell back into a deep depression that I couldn’t get myself out of because I was battling myself.
My issue was that I was afraid of using my voice and standing up for myself and my self-worth.
I wasn’t truly happy with myself, my marriage, or my life.
I truly sat there and waited for someone to pick me up and make my life okay.
Well, I was sitting for two years.
I was in such a dark place that everything in my life had to come to an end and I had to start over in a healthy way.
I truly believe that if you want to change, feel good about yourself, or have confidence you must do it for yourself.
Lessons learned when you feel like you’re not good enough:
Happiness is a CHOICE.
Acceptance is what you should GIFT yourself with.
Validation is what you should ALLOW yourself.
No human being on this earth can consistently make you happy no matter how hard they try.
And honestly, they shouldn’t have to. That is a lot of pressure to put on someone’s shoulder.
Why should someone make you happy and make themselves happy?
Now, I am not saying that you don’t support one another in a partnership, friendship, or relationship.
What I am saying is that the candle will fizzle out if you depend on someone to validate you and make you happy.
There will come a time where you will be met with disappointment.
The first thing you should do is to take RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and life.
The second thing is to get to the root to WHY you don’t feel like your enough.
Third, is to create CHANGE towards resolving the reason you don’t feel enough.
Example: You don’t feel like you’re sexy or thin enough.
Why? Why don’t you feel like your sexy? (Not why someone else doesn’t think you’re sexy because it is your SELF-esteem that is being questioned not the opinion of others)
Solution: If it is your weight, commit yourself to change your diet. Maybe there are sweets you can give up on. Maybe you can enroll in a local gym or Zumba class.
Example: You don’t think you’re smart enough.
Why? Why do you feel like you aren’t smart enough? (Not why someone else doesn’t think you’re not smart)
Solution: If it’s because you lack education then go back to school (age is an excuse; kids is an excuse unless you can’t find 1 human being to watch your kids). Study online. Read books. Educate yourself.
Example: you don’t feel like you’re good enough for someone else.
Why? Why do you feel like you’re not good enough for someone else?
Solution: You need to think of yourself more highly. Become more confident in who you are inside and out. If your worth is in question then it’s time to pay more attention to yourself versus the person you choose to put on a higher pedestal than yourself.
What causes low self-esteem?
- Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship
- An ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability
- Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression
Here are 7 steps towards repairing your self-esteem:
Recognizing your triggers: when you are triggered negatively you might realize it by the negative reaction you give a situation or a person.
Being aware of your negative self-talk: we get enough criticism from others in the world. The last person you need beating you emotionally is yourself. Replace your negative self-talk with loving and inspiring self-talk. Click here to learn how.
Practicing self-compassion and patience: Your healing process and changing your mindset about yourself might take longer than the person next to. Your journey is your own. Be patient with yourself and be kind.
Avoiding coping mechanisms that aren’t benefiting you in the long-term: food, sex, alcohol, avoidance, manipulation, drugs, etc will only serve you short-term. If you want LASTING change than you will need to raise your standards for yourself and face your program head-on with love, care, and in a healthy manner.
Don’t compare yourself to others: who they are and what they are doing is for them. Their path is NOT your path. Be YOU. Be grateful. Be the LOVE within YOU.
Accepting love and kindness: it’s easy to accept the bad, but it will be a constant need to remind yourself that you DESERVE love and kindness. You don’t deserve abuse and negativity.
Practicing acceptance and forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t exempt anyone from anything bad they have done. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future. Forgiveness is for YOU. You accept what is, let go, and move forward so that you’re not allowing the past to keep you bogged down and stuck. It is forgiveness and moving forward that ALLOWS you to HEAL.
I’ve had to learn these lessons in my journal of self-discovery and healing and I hope you find this just as useful as I did. If you’re interested in diving deeper into building your self-confidence click here.